1-11. What a wonderful date to take it all in and appreciate this gift called the present. I can barely recognize my own life right now, but I mean that in all the best ways. I’m a new mother to a beautiful baby girl. I live in an exciting city that almost never sleeps (things have changed a bit in Vegas since Corona). I move into a new, spacious 2BR 2BA apartment in a few short weeks. I’m doing full-time work I enjoy. Despite the unexpected chaos that was 2020, I checked all of last year’s boxes somehow, and now I think I’ll sit here and stay awhile.
I only have one box to check on this year’s wish list — to spend more time working on creative projects I enjoy. One thing that I regret about 2020 — I didn’t document my pregnancy very well with my words. I have the pics to prove it happened, but I do feel like I missed an opportunity to use my favorite medium (words) to be in the moment with myself and my growing girl during such a unique time. A painful time. A confusing time. A blessed time. A time that felt like an eternity and three blinks all at once.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had a diary or a journal or a notebook or a something to help me make sense of my surroundings or my circumstances. I’ve always preferred words over other things to help organize my thoughts, to think about what I’m thinking about, or to express myself creatively.
But somehow and somewhen, I stopped using my words for me. I started using my words to land jobs or sell products. I wrote to make money. I spoke to survive. I used my words to help others see themselves and their dreams more clearly while my own dreams became hard to distinguish from any other thing. Year after year I poured my words into other people. It only makes sense that in 2020 I found myself running on empty and felt like I had nothing to contribute to the space I created.
Expression over algorithms —that’s my mantra for 2021. I’m returning to the joy of writing and worrying less about feeling prepared, feeling qualified, or the number of eyeballs on each page. I will write because I like writing. I will share because I like sharing. It really can be that simple.