Candace Aliké Smith — A Writer's Self Care Journal

“I’m going to make everything around me beautiful. That will be my life.”

Elsie de Wolfe


On Piecemeal Abundance

Happy Sunday, lovelies.

I think you’d agree, if given the choice, that most would prefer an unexpected $5000 in one lump sum over 50 equal payments of $100. Because here is always better than on the way, and yes is always better than not yet, right? 

But why? In both scenarios, you gain $5000. The money wasn’t on your radar, and the same trip, splurge or experience will be funded the same. Why then, does now feel better than later, when the increase is a sure thing?

You know. That silly little thing called control. 

I’m learning that now is better than later until it isn’t. 

There are plenty of mental health buzz words floating around the Internets these days, so you’ve probably stumbled across the term “breadcrumbing.” This term, when used in toxic relationship talk, describes a form of emotional abuse used to control and manipulate another person. It may look like flirty, yet non-committal “how you been?” texts or social cues, and always looks like someone doing the bare minimum to keep you interested and in their back pocket. Breadcrumbing is rude, selfish, and doesn’t feel good to the recipient. 

And then we insert Candace, the very-visual over thinker who sees breadcrumbing a bit differently.

I agree that breadcrumbing is all of those things and more, but I was kicked all in my feels earlier today with the polite request to see breadcrumbing as guidance. 

Guidance? Walk with me. 

Let’s say you’re lost in the woods with no GPS. You already can’t tell your right from left (No? Just me? Ok.), and it’s too bright to follow the North Star. But, every few steps, you see signs that you’re on the right path and/or not alone. Maybe it’s a water bottle or a fresh foot step. Doesn’t matter. As you walk, you follow your own version of bread crumbs to the home or camp site of someone who can steer you in the right direction.

I’m learning that when you trust the process, you trust the crumbs.

Following life’s bread crumbs doesn’t have to end how it did for Hansel and Gretel. There isn’t always a wicked witch waiting on you to season her soup. I’m learning that choosing to take just one more step to allow life’s spiritual guides to reveal the rest of the path can be breadcrumbing, and whether or not breadcrumbing is a good thing or a bad thing depends on whether or not you follow those crumbs and whether or not you trust who is leaving them behind. 

I’ve entered into the part of my life’s path where my increases come in crumb form. Instead of receiving a feast to last the entire journey, I am given just enough to win the day. Up until this point I’ve found it frustrating, but today I was offered an opportunity to view piecemeal abundance for what it is: abundance. 

Aevrie doesn’t understand why it takes me so long to come get her from her crib. She can’t see that I’m preparing her bottle or clearing the floor so that she can play without tripping over a toy. She only feels the wait. She’d much prefer here over on the way. We all do.

I’m learning that my spiritual team knows me better than I know myself, and they know what’s ahead. The Most High, my ancestors, and the people placed along my path have all heard my prayers for rain. They all, for reasons that I trust will soon be revealed, think it best to only allow the clouds to sprinkle just a little bit.

Today I release my desire to see the entire path. It isn’t necessary, and in some cases, would only be a stumbling block.

Because later is better than now when now could harm us. Drinking 8 glasses of water in one sitting doesn’t quite feel the same as drinking small amounts throughout the day. I have come to accept abundance in all the ways it wants to present itself to me. I trust the Creator to keep me full and deeply satisfied today and for the duration of this flight. Yesterday was a dream, and tomorrow is only one sleep away from being another today, so that is where I will keep my focus.

Is this what walking by faith feels like? Because ew, 2 stars. It sounds nice in song, but in practice, it’s a very different thing. This part of my path is dark, but each crumb, each idea, each kind word, each new connection, each unexpected increase shines a light on the next best step. 

Featured image by Loverna Journey on Unsplash

Candace Alike Smith is a Las Vegas-based content creator, womb warrior, and matcha enthusiast. Candace founded this site in 2015 to help women of color reclaim their vitality. Follow Candace’s content on holistic beautymental wellnessherbs and essential oilsnon-toxic productshealthy libationswellness travel, and self-reflection. Green is her happy color.

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