I moved to San Diego in search of new love and only found pain.
I moved to Las Vegas to save a few coins and only found change.
I moved to Dallas in search of green spaces and only found rain.
I am standing still in a state called Peace and trying hard to stay.
So many apartments. Jobs. Boxes. Stuff. Relationships. Dust. So much dust. I am standing still to give my body time to catch up with my mind. I am standing still to learn how to get comfortable with discomfort. I am standing still to reacquaint myself with what lights me up. I am standing still to experience joy amid chaos. In 2023, I am standing still to make room for miracles.
For the past forever, I’ve prided myself on having no roots, no foundation. It once felt adventurous to flutter here and there without much thought, but looking back, it all feels a bit reckless. In my mind’s eye, the car was in motion, but it wasn’t me behind the wheel. I didn’t have the language or self-respect to articulate that I didn’t enjoy the ride, didn’t like the driver, or wanted to pull over. But I do now. Everybody’s out, and the car is on fire. To them and to it, I whisper adieu.
The past now feels like an estranged relative. Or a friend who once had my full attention but now exists as a distant stranger whose opinion matters not. I no longer feel compelled to dissect the moments that precede this one. Unwrapping anything other than my present will only give me paper cuts.
I learned what I learned, I lost what I lost, I have what I have, and it’s more than enough. 2023 isn’t just the start of a new chapter. I’m not just turning a page. I’ve decided to close the book on mindless movement to write a new one on graceful transition, personal development, community building, and unyielding self-care.
I’m out here in the deep, but I’m not alone this time. I’m writing (I meant to type “riding,” but somehow it still fits) shotgun to wherever God wants to take me and mine. That’s the only adventure I’ll allow moving forward.
Thank you for being here with me, whoever you might be.
CandaceAlikéSmith.com is a wellness and wanderlust journal penned by writer Candace Smith. Read her diary entries, and follow her content on essential oils, product reviews, local libations, and wellness travel. Read her mom’s mental health contributions and get your mind right.
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